I’m 26 years old and as a person I’m very talkative and expressive. I like to love and enjoy my life and have lot of ambitions and dreams for myself. Additionally, I enjoy exploring things, food, places, etc. I’m from Ahmedabad Gujarat (India), and there are 5 members in my family: my mom, dad, younger brother, and my grandmother. I believe in hope and healing and truly believe a person can make his/her own reality.
I was 22 when I started having abnormal symptoms and didn’t even how to explain those back then. It started in November 2015 when I faced difficulty in speaking; it used to come and go but then frequency of that speaking challenge increased and I also started noticing weirdness in my smile. I wasn’t able to hold it for the camera so I checked a few pictures it made me realise something is changing. Though we reached out to a dentist, he wasn’t able to identify it, and I started facing problems in chewing and swallowing. We reached out to another dentist as I had a small wisdom tooth removal process, but everything presented as fine. After January 2016, I started feeling heaviness in my body and it felt like carrying myself had become a task for me, in addition to brushing my hair and teeth.
By then I was not at all able to speak, observed eye drooping and I wasn’t able to hold my fingers up: gravity was my biggest enemy back then. I started stumbling and falling down as well. In the meantime, I saw 6 other doctors every month (including a general physician, MDs). Everyone assumed I had vitamin deficiency so they put me through vitamin courses. After a month, when the results were not great, they gave me an opinion that I had depression and that’s why I didn’t want to smile or eat. A chemist ended up suggesting to see a neurologist (he was my 9th doctor); we waited for hours and then finally he checked me over in different ways, asked to do 20 different tests and then the disease was confirmed as Myasthenia Gravis. The doctor gave me a medication that ended up taking effect in just 30 minutes; all of a sudden I was able to smile, speak, and chew a little bit.
I faced 3 medication failures in 2017, 2018, and 2019. I felt like I was back to square one and was mostly bedridden. I wasn’t able to walk without support, but as much as this time was hitting me hard it also gave me strength to try something different this time. That’s when I started doing yoga. I participated in a one-month yoga challenge, even though I still had a lot of weakness. Because of the weakness, I ended up going through a plasma exchange process in May of 2019, which took 8 days in the hospital due to a bad reaction and a stay in the ICU. For now, I am continuing my yoga practice to keep the recovery process moving forward.
Every medical failure made me learn how important our bodies are and how badly we tend to treat them. It made me wiser and start living in the moment. The ghosts of the past still haunt me, but I learned how to control my thoughts a bit better so that I can control my symptoms.
I am not perfectly disciplined about yoga but I try my best; this misery gave me a mission not just to heal myself but also help those who need that little light in their darkness. It’s hard to express an entire 4 year long journey, and even though I have massive side effects or flares, I learned to not let me bother me. Myasthenia Gravis made me a better person; it made me learn that you just need to accept yourself and then love yourself truly.
Yoga was the best thing that happened to me but during this yoga challenge, I also did sound healing therapy, which game me a different perspective about life. I learned a few healing techniques, but all these techniques talk about one concept: live in the present and accept yourself, don’t run away from your symptoms, and don’t let it bother you. Love who you are with this disease and honestly see your autoimmune as a small puppy who you are training, I am training my MG puppy and I hold the control over it, I am making my own realities now.
I’m human so I do overthink and over analysis; this sometimes triggers things. I have a habit of trying to control my future which is impossible to do. Sometimes these thoughts trigger more symptoms and I can become obsessive about these things. I try to let the moment pass, start over, and work on meditation.
I am not a survivor I’m a fighter was one during initial times, but now I have stopped fighting with my body because it needs help. I started loving myself the way I am. I strongly believe that happiness is letting go of what you think your life is supposed to look like, that’s when my true happiness came. I also follow: My everyday is better than yesterday.
I tried to plan my life early on and at an early age. MG ended up being a gift in that sense because it made me prioritize that thought process. So when I’m letting go of those controlling my future thoughts, it becomes less stressful and more enjoyable. I also learned to control my symptoms or side-effects too through positive thinking and creating my own reality. I truly believe my thoughts are my future steps so if I think positive, my steps will fall into a positive direction.
Find Bansari | @healingjourneywithbansari